My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
