You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
there is glitter all over my balls
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
