He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
