Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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