Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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