you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
