apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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