just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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