so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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