If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
