At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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