she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
