What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
