I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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