similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize