your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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