help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
