Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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