My liver just broke up with me...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
