her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize