Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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