dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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