the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got inside last night via doggy door
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
