My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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