awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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