Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
