So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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