You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize