Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
