The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
