you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
