So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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