Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize