you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
