is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
