You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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