He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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