ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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