Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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