id be glad to
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
