Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
