did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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