I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
