because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So many bounce houses so little time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
