I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
