Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
