i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
