I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize