Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize