i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
