that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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