Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
