i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize