he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
