You can't motorboat a personality
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
