yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize