So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My pussy is not your playground.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
