I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
