Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
