i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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