idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
