You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize