My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
