hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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