She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize