She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
