Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
