atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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