ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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