I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
