I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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