Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
