It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
