i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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