So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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