sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
