Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize