Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
