No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
