How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
