Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
