He had one of those small greek statue penises
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize