If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the day after is always just damage control
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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