I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
