i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
