Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
