i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
