The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
